


Days

by shelovestoship



Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Did writing 'Fairy Tales' inspire me to write this? Maybe..., F/M, Juliet Higgins Whump kinda?, Magnum's mom needs some cred, Promise, Spans the years of 1991-2024, This is a bit depressing at times, Why do I always give Juliet the most traumatic backstories?, backstory!, but it gets fluffier, but years are confusing, depressing childhood feels, kind of, so clearly I'm on a Higgy's childhood sucked roll, trying to keep the timeline right, until later chapters when it won't be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29715468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelovestoship/pseuds/shelovestoship
Summary: 5 days from Thomas and Juliet’s lives before they met and 5 of the most important ones after they did.Chapter 1 - 1991: Hard ChoicesChapter 2 - 2002: Important MeetingsChapter 3 - 2008: AlmostChapter 4 - 2017: Reasons To Go OnChapter 5 - 2017/2018: To A Better Next Year----Chapter 6 - 2018: First ImpressionsChapter 7 - 2020: Home (Where I Belong) (post 3.03)Chapter 8 - 2021: Choice? (we’re in the future now!)Chapter 9 - 2021: Something Funny (Destiny)
Relationships: Juliet Higgins & Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV, Juliet Higgins/Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV, miggy - Relationship
Comments: 72
Kudos: 120





	1. 1991: Hard Choices

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, I got most of this written, so I will still be finishing up Fairy Tale and going back to Marriage of Inconvenience! 
> 
> I kind of wanted the contrasts of the fact that while Juliet is going to grow up with plenty of British upper class privileges that does not equal happiness, while Magnum might not start out with much monetary or social privileges, he’s sure he’s loved. Which I think is a really important distinction for how these two act (and are as people) and part of why they’re perfect opposites...

####  **1991**

####  **\- Hard Choices -**

* * *

**Thomas**

**(Age: 12)**

* * *

_ The world could be a hard place. _

“Are we going to sleep in the car?” he asked as his mother sat and stared out the window. 

“Of course not,” she said, suddenly seeming to come back to herself. She even smiled at him. “Don’t be silly. We’ll go to a motel.”

“Can we afford that?” he asked, not sure they could, even with his birthday money. Not for very long at least.

They’d spent the last hour packing everything they owned into boxes and taking them down to the car. 

They’d been evicted. 

Or maybe they had chosen to leave?

Thomas might only be two months away from thirteen but he saw how their creepy landlord Jerry looked at his mom. He wasn’t completely sure what it meant but he knew it wasn’t good.

The fact that his mother had said all the money in the world wouldn’t convince her to stay when Thomas had offered her his saved up thirty dollars - birthday money from his uncle - made him suddenly sure they were  _ choosing  _ to leave. Well, sort of.

It also made him wish he was bigger so he could go punch Jerry in the face. His dad would have done that for sure if he’d been there. Or his dad would have talked to the guy and that would have been enough. Maybe. Probably if his dad had still been alive they wouldn’t have been living there in the first place.

“It’s going to be okay,” she told him. 

“I know.” And he did. Because they always took care of each other. As long as they had each other, nothing really bad could happen.

“Hand me my bag, would you?” she said, nodding towards her purse on the floor of the passenger seat of their beat up old brown volvo.

He did.

She rooted around in it. He’d always been kind of amazed at how much stuff she could fit in there. It was almost like magic.

A moment later she pulled out a piece of cloth wrapped around something. She handed it to him. “Remember how I told you that was yours?”

He unwrapped the fabric and found his father’s watch. He loved to look at it and he dreamed of a day when his wrist would be thick enough he could wear it.

A Rolex… that was an expensive brand. He knew that but he’d never realized that  _ expensive  _ might be useful. That the watch could do something more than help him remember his dad and tell time.

“I’d never ask you to sell that,” she said, her dark eyes serious. “In fact, I’d rather we sell everything in this car. But...”

He’d never wanted anything as much in his life as to have this watch be his one day. To wear it like his dad had. But he knew his dad would understand. They needed money.

“It’s okay,“ he told her, holding it out for her. “If you need to sell it-”

“Oh no.” She put her hand over his, closing it around the watch. “We’re not selling it. But if you’d be okay with it, we could pawn it. I’d make sure to pick up extra shifts and-”

“And I could get a job too!” he said, this was something he had been thinking of for a while.

“ _ Mijo  _ I don’t-”

“No,” he insisted. “I want to. And we should pawn it. We’ll get it back,  _ together _ . I’m sure dad would want us to.”

She looked like she might cry for a second, which he thought was kind of strange, then pulled him in for a hug!

* * *

**Juliet**

**(Age: 5)**

* * *

_ The world could be a hard place. _

“I’m sure your Mama will be here to see you off,” Mrs. Walsh, the housekeeper said.

Juliet was skeptical. Not just because of the woman’s tone but because she knew her mother.

“Perhaps,” she said, moving beans around her plate. She hated beans. Mushrooms too. In fact, the only breakfast food she liked were egg, the yolks in particular.

“If you’re lucky your Papa will come too,” Mrs. Walsh said encouragingly. “Hunting season is starting soon. He might want to spend some time in the country.”

Juliet liked the idea of that. She hadn’t seen her Papa since… she thought quite hard about it. Her birthday in the spring? She’d turned five. Her mother had come too and been quite angry at Lola, her nanny at the time, for letting Juliet have two pieces of cake. Lola had been gone the week after, replaced by the much sterner Ms. Larsson. 

“Now eat your food girl,” Mrs. Walsh said sternly, “Don’t just pick at it. Think of all the children in the world who are going hungry.”

She glared at the old woman. “I don’t like it!” 

Mrs. Walsh huffed. “That’s good food right there, Missy. No wonder you’re nothing but skin and bones. Just have some sausage. I don’t know a child alive who doesn't like sausage.”

Juliet looked at the blacked sausage on her plate. 

“No,” she said, then remembered her manners. And that Mrs. Walsh had once put her across her knee for spilling hot milk in the morning room. “No thank you.”

“You know child, if you weren’t so difficult your mother might want you around more,” Mrs. Walsh said.

“What does that mean? Being difficult?” Juliet asked, because she would like it if her mother came around more. Her mother was beautiful and smelled of perfume and always wore sparkly jewelry like a princess. 

Maybe if she could somehow figure out how to _not be_ _difficult_ her mother would let her stay with her in London. Maybe she wouldn’t have to go away to the boarding school.

“It means...” Mrs. Walsh began. “I don’t know. You should smile more. And eat your food. And not ask so many questions.”

Juliet thought about. “You think Mother will love me if I do those things?”

Mrs. Walsh looked at her for a long moment. “I don’t know, child. Maybe. She’s not much for loving, your mum, is she?”

She nodded. “Thank you. For being honest.”

“There you go again girl, being strange,” the housekeeper shook her head at her. “Any normal child would be running off crying.”

The phone rang and Mrs. Walsh went to pick it up. Exchanged a few words with whoever was calling.

Juliet thought about doing what Mrs. Walsh had said. Running off to cry. But she couldn’t quite see how that would help things. She supposed that meant she really was strange and difficult. Perhaps it was right her mother didn’t love her, didn’t want her around.

“That was Mr. Carter, he’s getting the car ready to take you up to the station,” Mrs. Walsh said once she was done on the phone. “I’ll help you get your bags in the car. I supposed this means your Mama ain't coming.”

Juliet thought maybe that was for the best. She might have cried and begged her mother to not send her away. Mother wouldn’t have liked that. 

“It’s quite alright,” she stoically told the housekeeper. “Perhaps I shall call her once I reach the school.”

“I doubt they’ll let you use the telephone, but I suppose you could ask,” Mrs. Walsh said, ushering her out of the kitchen and towards the front of the house.

Less than an hour later Mr. Carter handed her and her bags off to a train conductor who settled her in her seat. 

She watched an ill-dressed mother and her two children on the other side of the aisle. The mother was smiling and the smaller sibling was in her lap. They were sharing one big sandwich with eggs and ham on it, passing it between them, taking eager bites.

As the train started moving from her station, the trio finished eating and started pointing to things outside the train and chatted about nonsense things. 

Juliet wondered what that was like.

To share one sandwich. To have a sibling. A mother that held her in her lap.

What it was to  _ belong  _ to someone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there any evidence Magnum and his mom had it rough from time to time? Maybe? I mean he does frequently agree with single mothers that it’s not easy. I figure this does kind of make sense?
> 
> Equally, Higgy being emotionally neglected and shipped off to boarding school very early feels like a definite possibility to me. 


	2. 2002: Important Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 9/11 had changed everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a time jump, even though I kinda wanted to stay and play in the 90s… so much potential. But anyways.
> 
> I actually wrote out Magnum meeting Robin but I felt that didn’t quite work and cut it so Juliet’s part is much much longer. 
> 
> Also, is Juliet having a laptop (powerbook!) on her own and easy internet access in 2002 100% accurate? Probably not. But I remember being ten and we did have a stationary computer (and dial-up internet) so maybe? If she begged and begged her parents and said it was for studying? 
> 
> (I may have watched a kinda terrible movie called “The Prince and the Pauper (2000)” because...baby Perdita Weeks? She’s so adorable I just don’t know what to do with it and that’s kinda how I’m imagining her here...but with even more blonde curls!) 

**2002**

**\- Important Meetings -**

* * *

**Magnum**

**(Age: 23)**

* * *

_9/11 had changed everything._

Everything was serious. Suddenly they were at war. Having just about finished SEAL training that fateful day when the towers came down, he and his fellow sailors had been put to work immediately.

Mission after mission was scheduled for everyone. There was no end to it, and it hadn’t even been six months. Even veterans were being recalled to active duty to train them in spy and warfare techniques almost forgotten. 

“You think it will end any time soon?” he asked Tommy. 

“I don’t know Magnum,” Tommy replied. 

It was still a little new to be referred to by his surname even by his friends. But with two ‘Thomas’ in their unit and Magnum being of higher rank, it made sense. 

“Don’t you boys worry,” Nuzo said, grinning. “This will be over before Christmas.”

“Always the optimist,” Magnum said as Nuzo slapped him on the back. 

“Ready for this?”

“Ready for what?” Magnum grinned. “We’re meeting some journalist. Robin something? No big deal.”

“Robin?” Tommy asked, excited. “That could be a girl's name right?”

“It’s not,” Nuzo said, giving Magnum a look as he held up the flap to the tent to let him exit first. “We sure about taking this green little shit with us?”

“I’m not green,” Tommy called after them.

“Robin Master is actually a pretty big deal,” Nuzo said as they walked across the camp. “I had to kiss some ass to get him on our unit.”

“Sebastian Nuzzo kissing ass?” He grinned at his best buddy. “Never thought I’d see the day!”

“Oh shut up punk,” Nuzo said good-naturedly as they headed for the command tent, about to meet Robin Masters for the first time.

* * *

**Juliet**

**(Age:17)**

* * *

_9/11 had changed everything._

Before that, hacking had been _so_ easy. Risk-free too. Now it wasn’t. Which made it just so much more fun. Challenging. Made her love it even more. But sometimes… just sometimes it scared her more too.

Because if she could do it… didn’t that mean other people could too? She was arrogant enough to think not _everyone_ could, but surely some people had to be as smart and tenacious as her? 

And maybe not all of them were good.

What if something like 9/11 happened again? This time using a computer for a weapon? So many things ran on computers. Whole airports, banks, security. She was scared there was only a matter of time before someone found a way to use that to do harm.

“ _Then he did this thing where he blew on me_ ,” Daniella told Gemma. “ _It made me feel like...it was unbelievable._ ”

Gemma and Daniella were her roommates. 

Had been for the past four years. During the last few of those the pair had spent as much time as they could away from Decon Joan’s Preparatory College, mostly chasing after boys, bands and drinking too much beer. 

When they weren’t doing that they liked to give Juliet disparaging looks and gigglingly and insincerely offer to help her tame her long curly hair. 

Or they’d teasingly suggest that maybe one day she’d have a nice smile, once the braces came off - until then maybe she should just keep her mouth shut. Point out that Daniella’s dad was a plastic surgeon so if Juliet tits never came in she should get in touch with him.

They’d stopped with the two last ones this year though. Because she’d gotten the braces off. And thanks to it and a round of bleaching her mother had insisted on, Juliet’s teeth were now better than both of theirs. And she’d now _almost_ filled out a B-cup. Which was the same as Gemma.

Still, they weren’t exactly friends. At least she didn’t think they were. And Juliet still knew she wasn’t like them. Even if she was aware she wasn’t ugly anymore, she lacked the polish they did. The girl polish.

She liked design technology and science class and still, even though most of the girls had stopped around fourteen, Juliet liked going to the school’s stables to ride. She was somehow both too childish and too grown up for them.

“ _Did you shag him? Or just the-_ ”

“ _Course I did, he’s so fit and..._ ”

Juliet wondered if Daniella and Gemma thought she was asleep. They had the curtain they’d put up, drawn, but the light from Juliet’s powerbook must still be visible through the thin fabric.

Maybe they simply didn’t care that she could hear them.

She tried to ignore their talk of boys. Apparently, Daniella’s latest one was from America, in a band and looked just like the guy from one of their favorite movies _Crazy Beautiful_. 

Not able to stop herself she pulled up _Yahoo_ to search him, waiting patiently for the pages with images to load. He was very cute. If what Daniella was saying and the guy looked even remotely like the actor in question, she had to admit, she might see the appeal.

Feeling foolish she closed the browser window and got back to focusing on seeing if she could get into the newly relaunched version of Amazon.uk. 

She’d written a piece of code that would let her add a 0.5£ charge to each order. The money would then be diverted directly to a charitable organization to help rebuild the lives of people affected by the Gujarat earthquake in India last January.

She figured most people buying books, DVDs and funny coffee mugs could afford half a pound to help the thousands of people still suffering. Some of them being Pari’s - one of the sweet middle aged women in the refectory - family back in India. Juliet had found Pari crying the other day and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since. 

The earthquake had been over a year ago, no one was talking about it at all anymore, yet so many people were still homeless and even though the Indian government was working on it, Pari’s family was still in need.

“Hey!” Daniella said, suddenly poking her head around the curtain. “Were you eavesdropping?”

“No,” Juliet quickly said as Daniella came closer.

“You were,” Gemma said, walking around the curtain to give her a once over. At the powerbook. “You know looking at that screen all day will make you get crossed-eyed.”

“And rot your brain,” Daniella chimed in. “But maybe that wouldn’t be too bad. Maybe if you weren’t such a bleeding know-it-all you might have some mates.”

“As if!”

They both laughed and Juliet dug her nails into her palms as she felt herself blush. She hated that their words could get to her. Had power despite her knowing they shouldn’t.

“Stop spying on us,” Daniella said, giving her a dark look before starting to turn away.

But Gemma wasn’t done with her yet. “You know, Giles said he thought you were looking fit lately. He’s a complete prev so I bet he’d stuff you good if you asked nicely for it.”

“Gem!” Daniella said, mock shocked.

“Or do you plan to die a virgin?” Gemma continued. 

“At least I’m not gagging for it,” Juliet bit out, not able to stop herself.

“What did you just say?” Daniella said, her voice as icy as Juliet had ever heard it. 

“I didn’t...” _mean it_. And she hadn’t. Not really.

Because she didn’t really think anyone should be judged for liking sex. She imagined it was very nice. And even though she hadn’t studied much feminism, yet, it was something that appealed to her. She didn’t want to be part of the problem, making Daniella and Gemma feel bad for something boys had been encouraged to like and do for… forever?

But she also kind of thought they should be focusing a bit on their A-levels. Possibly she was even jealous of their easy way with people, with boys. Maybe she wanted to be liked, desired, too. Maybe.

“You know, we’ve offered to help you with your hair a lot of times,” Daniella said, still with that cold voice. “I think we should. We have scissors somewhere don’t we Gem?”

Gemma nodded and smiled slowly.

There was a banging noise somewhere downstairs.

Juliet felt her heart begin to pick up. 

Her mother had said not to cut her hair, that it would never be nice, but short was even worse than long. 

So even though the long curls were a pain to manage, she hadn’t cut it more than an inch at a time for years.

“I won’t let you touch my hair,” she told them. 

But how would she stop them?

She was strong from riding and gymnastics, sure, but there were two of them. And they were both heavier than her, fat mostly - beer and pub food - but weight was still weight she suspected.

There was the sound of heavy boots in the corridor, sounding like the lacrosse team was out there, as Gemma rooted through her desk and found a pair of scissors. 

Juliet quickly closed the lid of her powerbook and slid it behind her pillow. The computer was her dearest possession, she’d begged and begged for it and she knew she’d never get another for years and years. It was even more important than her hair even.

She thought maybe there were more sounds beyond their dorm door but she suspected it was just her pulse. Or maybe some other physical response to do with how scared she suddenly felt of Gemma and Daniella. Scared they’d actually cut her hair. But surely they wouldn’t?

Only suddenly they were reaching for her.

“Now, be still,” Gemma said, holding the scissors forward as Daniella grabbed for her hands, restraining her.

“Get off me,” Juliet cried and tried to bite Gemma. But all that did was make Gemma turn and make the pointy end of the scissors slide across her bare upper arm, scratching Juliet’s arm, drawing blood.

“Stop it,” Daniella said and for a moment Juliet thought she’d raise her palm and strike her. But she didn’t.

Instead, Gemma grabbed a big chunk of her long curly blonde hair and sheared it off, near ear level.

She was surprised how easy it went. She had quite a bit of hair. She’d figured they’d have to saw through it almost. That she’d have time to _do_ something.

“Shite!” Gemma said, suddenly turning towards the door where someone was apparently knocking.

All Juliet could hear was the rushing of blood in her ears as she watched Gemma drop a third of her hair on the floor. Her mother would be so upset. 

She’d think Juliet did it herself. And Juliet wouldn’t be able to tell her about this incident without sounding like a complete ninny.

Then suddenly their room door was being kicked open and five men with automatic weapons and military uniforms stormed in. There was an older guy with a buzz cut and a large scar on his cheek seeming to be leading them.

Gemma and Daniella were jerked away from her by the soldiers. She too was pulled off the bed and they were lined up against the wall. 

“Find the computer,” the leader said to his men, then turned to the girls. “Which one of you hacked into the Department of Transport last week?”

Juliet found herself raising her hand. She hadn’t meant to, she was just so shocked she wasn’t sure what else to do.

“Okay. You’re coming with me.” He gave her odd chopped-off hair a look. “Why are you crying? What happened to your hair?”

“They-they cut it off,” she said, not able to do anything but just answer and wipe at the tears she hadn’t realized were rolling down her face.

“Against your will?” he looked at Daniella and Gemma with such a strange look.

“Yes.”

“Want me to shoot them?” he asked, and she wasn’t sure he was joking. 

“No?”

“Well alright lass,” he said, holding out a hand. “My name is Edward Dane. What’s your name?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love how I was like “Juliet having a computer is a little inaccurate” and then I have commandos breaking down a door in a British boarding school in the same chapter!!
> 
> Also, I couldn't help myself from putting the whole Crazy/Beautiful thing in there! Because #fun!
> 
> (Thanks to Nixer for helping to proofread!)


	3. 2008: Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winds of destiny? Naaa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually an idea I had for a while - like maybe have our faves realize they almost met years ago on an op. Or have something Magnum/ Higgy did, unknowingly having saved the other's life on a mission on the other side of the world. Because destiny?
> 
> As for Juliet's mother having brain cancer... that could sort of work with her knowing how to deal with someone with dementia, possibly? Right?
> 
> Also, google translate is to blame for the Russian. Anyone with any kind of better grasp of the language feel free to correct me...

**2008**

**\- Almost -**

* * *

**Magnum**

* * *

_ There are a lot of near misses in life. More than we all realize. _

“We’re doing this as a joint operation with the brits,” the CO was saying. “They want to get someone in place to infiltrate the compound.”

“So they’re sending more people in to get killed?” Rick said, cheekily and serious at the same time. “Wonderful.”

“You will be there to provide cover for the initial meet. And Orwell, if I hear one more word out of you-”

“Yes sir!”

TC and Magnum exchanged looks while Nuzo chuckled. 

“Primarily it seems they’ll be sending a woman in, someone young to pose as a wife to the deceased...”

Magnum listened as the briefing went on, trying to pay attention. It was a little hard because it was scorching hot; even breathing felt like a chore.

Plus, he hated the idea of sending a woman into a terrorist hideout. Probably that was sexist of him. Except it wasn’t that he didn’t think a woman couldn’t get the job done. It was more...well, they shouldn’t have to? Maybe?

Only sometimes the best weapon was something the other side regularly underestimated. 

There was also something else bothering him, distracting him. 

This feeling like something big was about to go down. Like maybe they were going to walk into an ambush. His mother would win the lottery. Or he was about to meet someone important to him.

If he had to put it into words he’d say he was feeling the winds of destiny flapping. It had been happening since he came overseas - occasionally. Oddly enough the feeling had proven correct a number of times.

Maybe it was just him getting better at reading situations.

Yeah. That was it.

Winds of destiny...that was ridiculous. 

* * *

**Juliet**

* * *

_ There are a lot of near misses in life. More than we all realize. _

“You’re sabotaging my career,” she told Ian. “You can’t just not recommend me! I’m perfect for this! I even look like the dead wife-”

“I already recommended Rebecca!” Ian said, and began walking away. “You’re distracted.”

“I’m not distracted!” She followed him. “And Rebecca’s accent is a joke! She’ll get killed-”

“Rebecca is a much more experienced agent than you. And you are distracted. Your mother’s trouble is taking your focus away.”

“You mean my mother’s brain cancer? Why would it? I barely know the woman,” she assured him. But maybe...just maybe, it was distracting her. But she felt like she was meant to go on this mission.

Which was strange. She didn’t believe in ‘meant to be’ or destiny or silly things like that.

“I’m the best woman for the job.”

He chuckled. “That’s what I like about you, Jules. You’re so damned sure. Next one. Maybe something in Russia?  _ Ty yeshche treniruyesh'sya?  _ ”  _ Are you still practicing? _

“ _ Samo soboy razumeyetsya  _ !”  _ Of course. _

“And you’re still going strong with the Arabic? And Mandarin?”

“Yes,” she said, but languages were easy. What she was most proud of was getting better at protecting herself. Fighting. “And I just kicked Torsten’s arse in hand to hand.”

They shared a smile.

“Sometimes Jules, I still think you’re too good to be true,” he told her, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “Promise me you’ll never quit?”

“I promise,” she said, just as she caught sight of Richard Dane. Edward’s son. She’d worked with him last month. There was something about him… something she couldn’t put her finger on.

Perhaps it was just that he made her think of Edward...except the men didn’t evoke at all the same kind of feeling. Edward was her mentor… Richard, she wasn’t sure what he might become to her.

But perhaps staying in England wouldn’t be so bad.

Yet at the same time, she felt like she was about to miss something. Taking a wrong turn. But that was silly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember kudos and reviews make authors happy...


	4. 2017: Reasons To Go On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POW camp // Richard's death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kissing is weird. I forgot because of corona but today I smooched a guy and remembered.
> 
> So Ethan is part of the team next week (at least judging from the promo? Is this the "hotel" episode?) Promo makes it look very dramatic (and maybe like we'll get some PTSD-ish stuff).. then again, when doesn't the promo people make it dramatic looking!

**2017**

**-Reasons To Go On-**

* * *

**Magnum**

* * *

_ He was in the dark. _

Isolation was a twelve foot deep, five by five-ish foot, hole. A frame covered with leaves shut the sun out with surprising effectiveness. Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he’d have preferred sunlight and possible dehydration to the murkiness. But at least in the dark he could sleep.

Still, it made him scared he’d die in the dark, alone. That he’d just be forgotten, die and then the hole would be filled in and he’d become worm food. Or whatever lived in the dirt here. It was so dry he wasn’t sure worms could push through.

For now though, being in the hole wasn’t so bad. He’d gotten kicked in the chest by a guard with steel toed boots. He figured he had a broken rib or two. Being in the hole meant at least he wasn’t going to be forced to move.

He thought about Hannah. He did that sometimes. The life he had wanted with her. Before he realized she was the reason he was in this place.

Him and his best friends. His brothers.

Sometimes he thought about that too. How it was all his fault.

But today he tried to be positive. Even in the dark. Even with every breath hurting. He needed something good to hold onto.

Possible happiness. Waking up late on a Sunday. Making breakfast in bed for...not Hannah but someone. Eating it together and laughing and making love and talking about nothing and everything. 

Having the guys over for a game. Their house was light and sunny with white curtains. His mom was visiting too, pestering, wanting to know if she could be expecting some grand babies. He told her maybe soon.

And they were all so happy.

He smiled and toyed with his… wife’s? curly hair. Nuzo and his mom were arguing over the food. Rick and TC over who was the better player in this particular game.

This was what he wanted.

Once he was out of this hole, once they got out of the camp, he swore he’d find a way to have it. Find happiness and never let it go again.

* * *

**Juliet**

* * *

_ She was in the dark. _

Outside the sun was shining. Or maybe rain was pouring down. This was England after all. It didn’t matter one bit to her though. She had no plans on pulling the curtains. Not today. Maybe not ever.

Perhaps she could just lay in bed. During MI6 training she’d once gone two days without food or water all while being questioned in Arabic to see if she’d crack. A stress test of sorts.

She wasn’t sure when she’d last had anything to drink or eat. Maybe it had been more than two days? 

People had come, at first. Ian twice. Edward once, breath wheezing. He had liver cancer. Still he’d come. Her own father? Not so much. She hadn’t seen him since… had he been to her graduation at Cambridge? Year and years. 

Her head felt so fuzzy she couldn't be sure.

Probably she could just stay in the dark and fade. Probably no one would notice. Or care.

Well, MI6 would care. They’d be upset they’d lost an asset.

But the only person who cared about her, truly cared about her, was Richard.

And he was dead.

She knew he’d be upset if he could see her like this. Not angry, Richard didn’t get angry. He’d be sad. That she’d just lost her spark. Disappointed too. Say she was wasting her potential. 

Wasting that wonderfulness Richard had insisted she had. Her skills too. Skills that could be used to help people.

Used for other things too...

Viper was still out there. Viper had taken Richard from her.

That was eating at her. Had been since she realized. The anger at that had been forming a tight black ball inside her chest since the day they lost contact with Richard. Had grown bigger since they found his body, the funeral. 

Viper was fine and alive.

Richard was dead. 

Perhaps, she decided, she had a pretty good reason to get out of the bed after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more a very sharp contrast of how our faves handle stuff and how they kind of held on to different things and thus became who we saw them as in season 1.


	5. 2017/2018: To A Better Next Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our babies are both hopeful (and not) for 2018... but we all know it's gonna be an important one for them!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I have this idea for where Ethan proposes and there is a whole big mess of emotional... emotions? and green-eyed monster Magnum and angst. Lots of angst. But I'm NOT going to write it. I just cannot handle another WIP. I'm already stressing about the ones I got! So no. Not happening.  
> (Probably not.)  
> (Or maybe I'm already working on chapter 2...)

**2017/2018**

**\- To A Better Next Year-**

* * *

**Magnum**

* * *

_New year’s eve..._

Fireworks exploded on the muted TV in the recovery room. Rick sat sleepily in a chair, his arm in a cast. TC was in the next bed with Nuzo’s head by his feet, the both of them snoring loudly.

“Happy new year,” Rick said. “I guess it can’t be worse than the past few ones.”

Magnum nodded. He supposed not.

“I can’t believe we just missed Christmas.” 

He nodded. “Yeah.”

He couldn’t believe missed his mother’s funeral. 

His beautiful, amazing mom, who’d always been there for him. She’d died thinking he was dead. He’d never gotten to say a proper goodbye. Hadn’t been there to help her when she was struggling, when she was dying from cancer.

The picture of happiness he’d created for himself, escaped to, while at the camp, she’d always been there. In the background, sure, but always there. Important. Now she’d only be able to ever watch over him from the beyond. Maybe, at least, she’d been reunited with his father. That made it just the smallest bit better.

Still. He wasn’t sure how he’d face going home to Virginia. What was there for him there?

For now, he supposed he’d just wait and see. Let whatever was meant to happen...happen. Trust that he’d somehow end up somewhere he’d be able to do some good and be happy.

Make his father, his mother, proud. Help people. Find some version of that happy life he’d dreamt of. Even with his mother gone, he knew that was possible. As much as a piece had always been missing from his and his mother’s life after his father died, they had been happy in a way.

In the Navy, Magnum had been happy too. Maybe the happiest he’d ever been since his father was alive. Those few months with the guys and Hannah before they were captured had been the absolute best. He’d been helping folks with his buds and the girl he loved.

Maybe he could find that again.

* * *

**Juliet**

* * *

_New year’s eve..._

There had been several invites to charities she could have gone to in Robin’s name.

She hadn’t.

She didn’t want or need to celebrate a new year. Not when it would most likely be as pointless as the previous one.

Having finally abandoned her search for Viper some months after MI6 disavowed her, she’d come here. To Hawaii. Where she was making sure gardeners did their jobs, packages were delivered on time, security measures up to date. Which took about one hour a day. 

She was so bored she’d even taken up a new hobby; building ships in bottles. Completely pointless. But somehow a bit more challenging than the number of 1,000 and 5,000 piece puzzles she’d completed over the past year. More stimulating than the crossword puzzles she never failed to complete.

Never in her life had she been as lonely either. She’d even attempted one or two disastrous dates. Something she’d never thought she would.

But she wanted to… well connect.

It was weirdly ironic. Never in her life before had she felt bad for not having anyone. Not really. Even that fateful day on the train, going to boarding school, wondering, wanting to belong to someone… she hadn’t actually known what it was like. So she’d only been able to want it in a sort of abstract way.

Now she knew what it felt like to belong. More than that… she felt like it was something she deserved - that had been taken from her with Richard’s death

That was the crux of it. 

Richard had made her feel like not only was she worthy of love… she was even almost entitled to it. That her father and mother - not to speak ill of the dead - should have cared for her, loved her. That it had been their failing. Not her's. 

That she wasn’t wrong or odd or difficult. That she was Juliet Higgins and that was perfect. It had been so strange because it simply made more sense it was her that she was _difficult_ , not everyone else. But Richard had convinced her she was rather wonderful, convinced her so well, she still believed it. Even with him dead.

Sort of. At least a bit. Maybe her aloofness made her a little strange...but strange didn’t mean unlovable. Didn’t mean she couldn’t belong to someone, with someone. 

Belong… how she wanted that. But she wasn’t sure she could again. Because belonging could only happen when you were loved and in return loved back. And that meant you had to open up. Care. Which meant you could get hurt.

She didn’t want to be hurt again.

“Zeus, Apollo,” she called the dogs to her as she took a sip of wine. “Because you’ve been such good lads this year, you both get treats.”

She smiled at them as she held out a rawhide bone for each of them. They took them gently. Because really they were big softies. Maybe she could just belong with them. For now, perhaps that was good enough. 

One day though...maybe she’d have a real, human family to belong with. Belong to. Thinking back on her life, maybe that was what she’d always wanted - people to belong with - but time and time again she’d been denied it.

She doubted this year would be the year that changed.

Yet hope springs eternal, wasn’t that the saying?

Maybe, just maybe...


	6. 2018: First Impressions-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnum is amused.  
> Higgy is not.

**2018**

**\- First Impressions-**

* * *

**Magnum**

* * *

_The last few days hadn’t gone at all how he expected._

But it certainly had been interesting. And Hawaii was beautiful. He’d already known it would be but actually sitting on his very own private beach (well, not quite _his_ but as close as he was ever likely to get) was pretty incredible. 

Speaking of incredible… his new next-door neighbor was _incredibly_ frustrating. And not at all pleased to have him staying at the guesthouse. He imagined she’d be even less happy with him when he realized why he was there.

MI6… Robin had told him just to make sure he didn’t underestimate Juliet Higgins. Magnum thought that was rather strange. She didn’t seem like a woman many people underestimated. 

“I see you’ve made yourself quite at home,” a female voice said behind him. 

Speak of the devil (or think in this case) and she shall appear. In a sports bra and thigh legging that made him want to find some way to further annoy her just to have her stick around to complain about him. She’d already done that several times over the past two days.

“I do hope you plan on removing this litter once you’ve finished your meal,” she said, “And I expect no traces of that fire pit in the morning.”

“No trace? How would I manage that?” he said, even though he was more than capable of disappearing a make-shift campground.

“I’m sure you will find a way.”

“I don’t know. I’m very busy trying to get my PI license and some new clients. I probably won’t have time to hang around here.”

“You will,” she all but ordered. 

“That so?” 

She gave him a threatening look.

“Yes ma’am.” He managed to stop himself from mock-saluting her. _Juliet Higgins, MI6. Don’t underestimate her._ “Want a beer?”

She looked for a moment like she might say yes. But he must have imagined that because the next second she looked like she wanted to strangle him.

“No,” she said, crossing her arms. “Did you know drowning accidents are most common amongst intoxicated middle-aged males?”

Why did part of him enjoy the fact that she sounded like Mary Poppins reading a textbook?

“Are you calling me middle-aged? Also, I’m a Navy SEAL. I’m not going to drown.”

“I still suspect drinking alone at the beach isn’t the best thing to do.”

“Then stay and have a beer with me. I won’t be alone.”

She rolled her eyes and then huffed before turning away. “You still owe me fifty dollars.”

“I just borrowed that the other day,” he called after her. “I need some time to get back on my feet.”

She didn't turn, just started jogging along the sand. Thankfully her two terrors weren’t with her. Those dogs were really the only downside to this whole place.

Not even Juliet Higgins, as crazy as he worried she might drive him, seemed like a bad thing. In fact, he was rather looking forward to annoying her a little bit. Having her annoy him.

Which was a surprise because, since the POW camp he hadn’t really wanted or planned or even looked forward to that many things. Even the things he should have been looking forward to.

He smiled. Maybe one Juliet Higgins was just what he needed.

_(The dogs he could do without though...)_

* * *

**Juliet**

* * *

_The last few days hadn’t gone at all how she expected._

She’d been planning on having one of the cleaning staff do a deep cleaning of the guesthouse and think up a nice menu before Robin's _friend_ came to visit.

The friend Robin had said to “handle with care”. Except there must surely have been some mistake on Robin’s part. Because Thomas Magnum did not need to be handled! He needed a good dose of reality!

Still, Robin’s words had rung in her head and concerned her a little when she saw the bonfire down by the beach tonight. 

Enough that she’d gone to investigate.

But all she’d gotten was more of him needling her! 

What kind of ungrateful guest littered on the beach? And lit bonfires when there was a perfectly nice gas-fed fireplace up on the guesthouse patio?

One like Thomas Magnum, clearly! A lazy, too pretty, loafer just going through life expecting handouts and taking the path of least resistance. He better have taken every last wrapper and bottle with him off that beach by tomorrow!

She wouldn’t deny she was still somewhat upset he’d jumped the gate and made it all the way up to the courtyard before Zeus and Apollo caught up. She’d have to find some way to get even with him for that.

Best thing really would be to find a way to get him to leave Robin’s Nest altogether. But he was Robin’s guest… and she had snuck a peek at his military record. Quite impressive. And quite the terrible ending to it. Being a prisoner was never fun. She knew from personal experience though her captivity had not been anywhere near as long...

So she wouldn’t do anything rash to get him out of there. Even as frustrating as he was. How he was always everywhere! “Fixing” the cars, sneaking food from the main house kitchen and just somehow always showing up at the beach when she was there!

It was frustrating beyond belief. He was just soo… 

She wasn’t quite sure, but it was bothering her. A lot more than she felt comfortable admitting. And she had no idea what to do with it.

He’d leave soon enough though! He had to. Right? Because while it did seem like he was planning on staying on the island, surely he’d find somewhere else to live. He couldn’t just keep mooching off Robin, living in the guest house forever, could he?!!

That helped lessen the knot of… whatever it was, inside her stomach. He’d leave and things would just go back to normal. Because that was what she wanted… wasn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Higgy being all Higgy and not dealing well with change...


	7. Home (Where I Belong)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post 3.03, because that deserved a Miggy moment at the end and I still feel salty about it! 
> 
> Lilo and Stitch = the best. (Though sadly Juliet Higgins has not seen this particular children’s movie so any references to it are purely coincidental… hehe...)
> 
> Also poor Magnum, always blaming himself for everything!

**2020**

**\- Home (Where I Belong)-**

* * *

**Magnum**

* * *

_ She was going to get to stay. _

He’d managed to fix the mess he’d gotten her into with the whole fake wedding thing. Even if part of it had been on her… like... switching to TC. Still, she’d done that to protect him. So wasn’t that in part on him too?

Either way, they’d fixed it. Maybe by saving the immigration officer’s life, maybe by his heartfelt speech. Maybe just because sometimes things  _ had  _ to go your way.

After their “Welcome Home Higgy” dinner at La Mariana - where she’d smiled and been so happy he couldn’t stop looking at her - he didn’t think the day could get much better.

As it turned out, it could.

“Thank you,” she said as she started to get out of the Ferrari. “I’m truly… just - I’m thankful. For what you said today.”

“Juliet Higgins thanking me twice in one day,“ he said cheekily as he got out too. “I think I should buy a lottery ticket!”

“Do be serious for a moment,” she said and he was surprised by the look on her face. Unguarded, almost vulnerable and still tinged with relief and happiness from knowing she was finally home. “I’m sorry I was...I’ve been acting quite cross with you.”

He supposed that was one way to put her snapping at him and blaming him for everything for the past week.

“I guess,” she started, glanced away and then back to him. “I was just worried I’d lose what I’d found here.”

“You won’t ever lose it,” he told her gently, wishing he was on her side of the car. That he could touch her arm, maybe even hug her. “Even if you have to leave. Okay? No matter where in the world we go, you and me, Rick, TC, the rest too, they’ll still be your family.”

She swallowed and her eyes fell. He wondered if she didn’t believe him, and hated that. But he wasn’t sure what he could do to convince her. After over a year being his partner, of saving each other, of being there for her through this visa crisis… how could she not see it, believe it?

“I simply wanted to apologize. I’m so terribly glad it’s all finally over.” She gave him a tired but still real, if nervous, smile. “It seems I don’t deal well with uncertainty.”

He smiled back. “That’s true!”

“So thank you, Thomas.” 

She began to turn away, but stopped. “No one has ever quite stood for me the way you did today. You… and the guys… you make me feel like I belong somewhere.” 

“You do,” he called after her as she walked off.

But all the while, he thought that was a slightly strange phrase. He didn’t mind it though. He liked the idea of belonging with Juliet Higgins. 

* * *

**Juliet**

* * *

_ She was going to get to stay. _

Not only that… what Thomas had said today. It had somehow changed something inside of her.

_ It was my fault. I was the one who put this whole thing in motion. I couldn't accept the fact that… that Higgins would-would maybe have to leave us.  _

_ But I-I did that because… I mean... this is my family. _

She knew part of why he’d said it was to soften the heart of her immigration officer. But she wanted to believe part of it was true.

Because he had done that. He had been the one to suggest the visa marriage, not her. Been upset. Convinced them to try today’s crazy lie. To keep her there.

With them.

With  _ him _ .

They were family. He’d said it before. But it had been more about all of them then. Today… this… this had been more about her. The fact that they all wanted her,  _ Juliet Higgins,  _ to stay. To remain in their family. Wanted her to belong with them.

That he wanted her to.

She’d had to… thank him. Apologize too. Try to explain. She thought it had gone rather well.

_ “You do!” _ he’d called after her. Not knowing just how important it was.

_ You do belong with us. _

As soon as she got inside went in search of her necklace. Richard’s necklace. 

Her heart was beating much too fast for the situation as she sorted through the number of jewelry pieces she owned. Finally, her hand closed around it.

She’d never been religious. No one had ever taken her to church and told her there was a benevolent God watching out for her. She would not have believed them if they had tried, she suspected. A skeptic at birth.

There was some small part of her that hoped there was some sort of beyond. That Richard could look down - or sense - that she was finally okay.

More than that.

She’d found somewhere to belong. A family to belong to. Not a normal, traditional one. Her family was a little broken, a little damaged, maybe, but still good. Yeah, still good.

Richard would be happy for her. 

He’d say this was her chance. Point out that this family didn’t contain just one person. It had a number of them. If one was lost… she’d survive it. She wouldn’t shatter, wouldn’t hide in the dark or run to the other side of the world. She’d have support. She’d go on. So she was free to love them.

Right? 

Only… was that true? It felt cruel to admit, even just to herself, it wasn’t entirely so. Because the truth was, she could survive losing everyone but  _ him _ .

A terrifying realization. 

She’d have to do something about it. Find some way to make it not so. Yes. That was what she’d do. Magnum had to be just one of her family. Not the most important part of it. Because she couldn’t deal with possibly losing him if he was.

Putting the necklace back she got her cell phone out and made a call.

“Ethan? Yes! I know I said I’d changed my mind about coming over but if you still want me to...? Yeah? I should be at your place in twenty.”


	8. 2021: Choice? (we’re in the future now)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was only a two-week trip but it felt like the end of something to Magnum. The end of them.  
> //Or//  
> Juliet makes a choice.  
> (Don't worry, it's the right choice in the end.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I started this I had this big plan and it slowly kinda changed a bit as I was writing and the series aired.   
> Because this fic just "5 + 5 important days" there is quite a bit of time skipping. So we're now about post where I’m little worried 3.16 is going to end up being (based only on behind-the-scenes stuff so I might be totally off base) or about 2 months into the future past 3.10.  
> (Also it's short. Sorry, it just came out like that.)

**2021**

**\- Choice? (we’re in the future now) -**

**(Possibly post 3.16)**

* * *

**Magnum**

* * *

_ She’d made her choice. _

He hadn’t exactly spelled it out for her, but he had asked her not to go with Ethan. But she had.

It was only two weeks. But it felt like the end of something. Or maybe the start of something; for her and Ethan. Something that would change what he and Juliet had, too much for things to ever be the same again. 

He didn't even feel like opening his beer. It wasn't the kind of thing drinking fixed. Not that drinking ever really fixed anything. But this emptiness inside of him, this void that made his stomach feel like it might collapse in on itself, was beyond unsettling. He had never felt anything quite like it before. Not like this. And he hated it.

“Well this looks rather depressing,” a voice said behind him. He wondered if he was hallucinating for a second because she wasn't there. She was on a plane. With Ethan.

Or she should be.

Yet when he turned around, there she was. Smiling and looking relaxed as she came closer. Happy. Head tilting. There. With him.

“You came back,” he said, standing up.

“I did.” She shrugged. “I decided I didn’t want to spend a fortnight with Ethan. Which rather put an end to the whole business didn’t it?” 

“Oh,” he managed because he couldn’t quite believe it.

“Aren’t you going to ask me why?”

“No?” Last time he’d tried to talk to her he’d gotten quite another tune from her. “I thought your love life was none of my business”

Ignoring him she said, “I broke up with Ethan because I realized he’s not the person I belong with. Not the person I see when I think about my future. When I think about who my family is.”

He wanted to ask,  _ ‘ Who is?  ’  _ But when he met her eyes, he realized he didn’t have to. _  
_

* * *

**Juliet**

* * *

_ She’d made her choice. _

Wasn’t even sure it had truly been one. Still, she’d felt very dramatic stopping as she was boarding and telling Ethan she couldn’t go with him, that she wanted to end things. 

And now she was back at Robin's Nest. With the best, yet at the same time most frustrating person, she’d ever known.

Someone so different yet somehow so similar to herself. He’d kill and die for her and she for him. She’d pick him out of everyone in the world to spend time with (though she wouldn’t tell him that. Not with a gun to her head. Except maybe she just had.)

He was the one person she  _ couldn’t  _ lose. That she didn’t  _ want  _ to lose. 

While a few months ago that prospect had terrified her, now she was equally terrified of what it would mean to deny it. How could she even have thought that was a good plan? 

Why would she want to do it to herself? To him?

She knew why. Her whole life had felt like a series of events teaching her good things were not for her. Thomas Magnum was more than a good thing. Yet she had to believe this time, maybe this time, she’d get to keep her happiness. 

“Juliet,” he said, reaching up to cup her face. 

She suspected he meant to say something else. Something more. A declaration of intent or love or caution even, she wasn’t sure.

Instead, she leaned up and in return he brought his lips down to hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I going too fast and getting too sappy? Maybe. But I just want our idiots to be happy!


	9. 2021: Something Funny (Destiny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...if you say the word soulmates, I will get out of this bed and not come back for the rest of the week...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be having a small existential (and writing) crisis. Dating apps and no Miggy for two(three?) weeks will do that to a girl apparently.

**2021**

**-Something Funny (Destiny) -**

* * *

**Magnum**

* * *

_ “We should get up,” she said but stayed in his arms. _

“Not yet,” he mumbled as she started to move away.

“It’s past nine.” She made it sound like it was shocking to be in bed at nine on a weekend. Then again, she could make most things sound shocking somehow. He loved that about her.

“Right!” He smiled softly. “Want to hear something funny?”

“Sure,” she said, putting her head back on his chest. Apparently deciding that perhaps staying in bed wasn’t such a bad idea after all… “As long as it’s actually entertaining.”

“When are my stories not entertaining?” he asked as he ran his hand along her side, under the thin sheet. 

“When they’re about baseball. Or terrible action movies you’re trying to re-tell.”

Maybe she had a small point there. He settled for running his fingers lazily up and down her hip and outer thigh. 

“Tell me the funny story,” she insisted when he didn’t say anything for almost a minute. He enjoyed it when he could make her curious enough she pushed for more information. 

“It’s not really funny per-se,” he said and though he knew it made no sense and she would likely tell him as much, he decided to tell her. “I dreamt of you. At the camp. I had these vivid dreams. About the future.”

“And you think I was in them?” she asked, lifting her head again - along with one eyebrow. Clearly skeptical.

“You were.” Because she had been. He still remembered the curly blonde hair of the woman his mind had conjured for him during one of his darkest times. 

“That is highly improbable.” 

He’d known she’d say that. Of course, she was right. But he was also sure it had been her. 

“Prophetic dreams, Thomas? You do know that sounds-”

“A little crazy,” he said, and it wasn’t like he’d exactly dreamt about her. Just sort of. “But maybe...”

“Oh gods,” she sighed. ”You’re about to say something corny and overly romantic aren’t you? Please don’t.”

“Okay,” he said, smiling because she was impossible about things like this. “I won’t mention that perhaps it was destiny. Or fate. And I certainly won’t mention-”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “If you say the word soulmates, I will get out of this bed and not come back for the rest of the week.”

“You said it, not me,” he pointed out, once she took her finger away. "And it's Saturday so that's not much of a threat-"

“Oh hush you,” she muttered and leaned in to kiss him. Which he was more than happy to let her, even if he knew it was just to get him to stop talking about feelings.

In the beginning that had worried him a little. The fact that she didn’t ever want to put words to what she was thinking or feeling. He’d worried she wasn’t feeling what he was. 

But Juliet Higgins was still Juliet Higgins even in a relationship, even with them together. It shouldn’t have been a surprise she wasn’t exactly Mrs. Emotional. 

And she had told him. Sort of. It was when he’d almost been thrown off a building a few weeks back. She’d cursed at him and somewhere in the row of expletives, she’d told him she loved him. 

He wasn’t sure she was aware she had done so. Mostly because whenever he told her he loved her… she never said it back.

“Juliet,” he whispered, kissing her neck. “I love you.”

“Mmm.”

_ Case in point. _

But she loved him. He knew that. Felt it every time she looked at him, smiled at him, touched him (well almost every time, unless she was  _ really  _ annoyed with him, then her glares could be somewhat terrifying). 

So he figured one day, he’d get her to say it back. He was patient enough that he could wait. 

* * *

**Juliet**

* * *

“ _We_ _should get up,” she said but stayed in his arms._

But they really should this time. It would be past ten by now, she was sure. She never just stayed in bed like this! Sleeping the day away… though they hadn’t been doing much  _ sleeping _ for the past little while.

“That’s a terrible idea,” he said. “And I’ve changed my mind. Must have been some other blonde woman in my dreams, someone who likes sleeping in.”

“Perhaps,” she said, because maybe it had been. Someone sweet and kind and loving who could lay around all day and enjoy the moment. Someone nothing like her.

Wasn’t that the kind of woman Thomas Magnum should be with? She worried it was. Even if she knew he loved her, maybe he shouldn’t. But she was selfish. She wasn’t sure if she could give him up. 

That wasn’t destiny or meant to be.

That was just them. Her. Knowing that she’d decided she belonged with him. Had wanted him in her life before he had been. Though she hadn’t quite expected it to happen the way it had.

So while she could neither boast of nor believe in prophetic dreams, she had wished for him. In a way. And maybe it would be alright to let him know that.

“Want to hear something funny?”

“Sure,” he sounded amused, probably that she was copying his line.

“New Year’s Eve 2017,” she said softly, meeting his eyes though it felt extra scary to admit it while doing so. “I hoped that in 2018, things would change. I wished for… something.” To belong. For family. “Then you showed up.”

“But you didn’t like me!” he sounded genuinely like he believed that.

She had to smile. Because she  _ had _ liked him, even when she’d thought he was a lazy and immature mooch. That had been part of the problem. She’d hated that she enjoyed their banter, his disruption of her routine and worst of all that she found him attractive. So she’d done her very best not to let on that she did.

“I didn’t know you,” she settled for. Because she couldn't tell him all her secrets, now could she?

“I liked you. From the start,” he sighed, tucking some hair behind her ear and giving her one of those tender looks that made her heart feel like warm gooey melted chocolate while simultaneously made her feel so tense she worried she might throw up. The uncomfortable sensation occurred every time he told her he loved her. When he jokingly said them being together, meeting, everything and anything, was destiny. 

She’d been wondering if the way to stop the strange feeling, the tightness in her that came when it happened, was to tell him. Say it back. Perhaps it would let her feel happy and not like she was being consumed by tension. But she’d never been one to do that. 

Even if she loved him. It just seemed… too big and too small. To just say it. Besides, it wasn't the right time. She’d know when it was. Yeah.

“You did not.”

“I did.” His face was so honest and beautiful it sometimes took her breath away. “You made me look forward to every day. To annoy you and have you be completely frustrated with me.”

“So you admit you did spend most of that first year trying to needle me?” she managed to ask, even as she contemplated having been important to him before she had thought he cared for her one bit.

“You can’t blame me for that,” he said, sitting up a little. “It was before I realized I loved you!”

“That’s a terrible excuse,” she told him with a shake of her head, starting to roll away and out of the bed. Because it really was time to get up. And all the emotions were making her stomach turn into a ball of nerves and tension.

"Most excuses are."

He was right about that.

Was she making excuses too? About not telling him. She did love him. Why was telling him such a big deal? 

“Hey Thomas,” she said, turning back to meet his eyes. 

“Yeah?” 

Telling him wouldn’t change anything. He knew. He had to know. He didn’t need her words. Did he? Or was that yet another excuse.

She feared it was. Occasionally there was this shy hopeful look in his eyes. He got it sometimes. It always dimmed a little when she didn’t dare to tell him.

Taking a breath, she decided she wanted more than anything to see that hopeful look become something complete. So she told him. “I love you.” 

It took a second to register on his face. She got the smile, the happiness she’d hoped for. More than that she noted he wasn’t surprised. That made her feel better.

“Even when I  _ needle  _ you?” he asked.

“Even then. And while I don’t believe in destiny, I do believe in this,” she told him as he reached for her hand. _ You’re the person I want to belong with. _

"I do too," he said and tugged her back to him. "But I still think getting out of bed is a really bad idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just saw I have an even 100 kudos for this which is fun!


End file.
